SchlapSchtick Comedy Chapster Sixish

EXT. SIDEWALK - GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - DAY




Guy hurries OUT THE BACK of the restaurant taking off his sauce covered apron, and almost runs into the ELDERLY MAN, for the third time. The Elderly man leans over and invites Guy to walk carefully past him.   Guy nods and proceeds with very careful steps.

The Elderly man hits Guy on the head with his cane.

ELDERLY MAN

Just because.

Guy moves up the sidewalk to the back of a PA SOUND SYSTEM behind a STAGE at a DEMONSTRATION.

EXT. - DEMONSTRATION FOR ELDERLY RIGHTS - DAY

Guy walks up to the back of the stage and strains to see who is speaking on the MICROPHONE. He leans on the wires on the PA system and pulls out the main wire by accident.

FEEDBACK

A technician hurries over as Guy plugs it back in, then gestures the blame toward some skateboard kids across the street.

Before Guy knows what is happening the A/V Technician is wiring a lapel microphone to Guy.

A/V TECHNICIAN

You're so late you're early Mr. Winkler.

ON STAGE

The A/V Tech pushes Guy on stage.

GUY

(booming over the mic)

Please pardon appearance. I am lost the hat.

The crowd is silent.

Guy looks around. He rubs his head. He decides to say a few things.

GUY

I know... we only live once.

The crowd MURMURS. They want to support him.

GUY

People have... reputation ... like small towns.

 Only thing anyone remembers is the worst

thing that happened... and maybe

the best, if it is very, very great. 

More MURMURS.

GUY

Be like a cash register...

when it is needed, make change,

with every dollar, make cents.

Don't take wooden nickel.

The crowd ERUPTS with APPLAUSE.

GUY

Does anybody have time?

MORE APPLAUSE.

GUY

No no no no no. Dense. Well, you

are all senile, you cannot help it. No. 

Do you have the time of the day??

A NERD in front speaks up.

NERD

It's about Sixish. Right around there.

GUY

Six? Oh mon dieu!

Which of you is the least senior?

Do anyone still have license?

 I can get a lift? No? Fickle.

BOOS go up from a few people.

A grapefruit falls short of the stage.



SlipStack Comedy Chapter Cinco

EXT.  SIDEWALK - GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - DAY

Guy trips on a crack in the sidewalk, catches himself on an ELDERLY MAN, who then smacks Guy with his cane.

 ELDERLY MAN

Watch it, Guy!

Guy moves back to inspect the crack he trip on, gestures an apology to the old man, then promptly trips on the same crack and knocks over the Elderly man.

The Elderly Man lays on the ground laughing.
Guy slinks away.... into a restaurant...


INT. BELLE'S BBQ RESTAURANT- GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - DAY




THE LOBBY

Guy pulls a HELP WANTED sign out of the window.

HOSTESS

May I help you? 

 

GUY

Please pardon appearance. I am lost the hat.

 

He shows the BACK of the Help Wanted sign to the Hostess, and points at himself. 

 

She smirks, and Guy checks the sign. He flips it around, over, over again... and displays it to her UPSIDE DOWN. He puts his other arm up to make a muscle. Then strikes another body-builder pose.

 

She shrugs.

 HOSTESS 

Okay.  Follow me.

 

GUY

Ah ha! Yes. Yes.

THE RESTAURANT SEATING AREA

 

Guy follows her through the seating area of the restaurant and sniffs various meals as he walks through.

GUY

(sniffing and speaking together)

Yum! Yum Yum Yum!

He tries again at another table.

 

GUY

(sniffing and speaking together)

Oh, well. Hmm. 

From the Hostess POV, a WAITER moves behind Guy as he leans to sniff yet another table. 

 

Guy leans away in utter disgust, and flings the Waiter's tray, knocking the Waiter OUT COLD.

Guy stands over the Waiter and slaps his face over and over and over, hurriedly trying to wake him. 

 

The OWNER storms in, grabs Guy by the jacket, yelling in Italian.

 

 OWNER

Mama Mia! Italia Ristorante, no no, 

Aye Dios Mio! Arrevadercho!-- No No.

 

The owner thinks twice, takes the apron off the waiter,  and puts it on Guy, then hands him the tray.

SlapStick Comedy Chapterd 4

INT.  CHEESE AND PACKERS BAR - GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - DAY

Guy walks into a bar...

SARA THE BARTENDER

May I help you? 

GUY

Ah ha! Ah ah ah. Yes. Yes. Um.

Guy sits on a barstool, but his long trench coat is so slippery, he slips right over the stool and lands facing BACKWARD to the bar.

GUY

(whispered)

Par don me!

He tries again, and lands on the other side of the stool facing the bar.  Then he leans way over the bar on his elbows, straddles two stools with his butt, and plants himself... for a moment. Luckily, he's the only person in the entire bar.

Then, from the Bartender's POV, as he raises a hand to point at a beverage, he drops straight down.

She takes a drink from her cocktail, blows smoke from the side of her mouth, and comments as he stands up.

SARA THE BARTENDER

I keep telling Sharon all the winners come in 

during the middle of the afternoon.

GUY

(Shouting to excuse his uncouth behavior) 

SO sorry. PAR DON!

He notices she has a cigarette pack, and he points to them.

GUY

I may?

SARA THE BARTENDER

Help yourself, French.

GUY

Merci. Miller Light please.

He has never smoked, of course. As she turns to get him a beer, he sniffs her cigarette, burns his hand, and DROPS it into her cocktail.

He hurries to snap a cigarette in half, light it and set it back on her ashtray.

She comes back and he is lighting a cigarette of his own. She puts the beer in front of him.  She lifts her cocktail, holds it for a toast, and smiles just before she takes a drink of her cocktail. 

SARA THE BARTENDER

Cheers, French. 

GUY

(mumbled)

Salud.

He holds his cigarette backwards and burns his tongue. She pulls the cigarette butt out of her mouth and HURLS behind the bar.

He hurries behind the bar to help her.

She leaves for the bathroom.

Guy helps himself to a handful of olives and a pocketful of shallots. He grabs several bottles and starts mixing a drink.

DRUNK PATRON

Make mine a double.

The DRUNK PATRON scares Guy enough to make him slip on the puke, and fling a couple of bottles backward over his head as he falls.

Composing himself, he begins mixing a drink for the patron. He grabs the beverage sprayer and hoses the bar, the patron, and himself six ways from Sunday.

Finally, he pushes a bizarre drink with seven umbrellas in it across the bar to the patron.

DRUNK PATRON

I never had one of these. 

What do you call this?

GUY

(Completely unaware)

Oh yes.Yes.

Guy offers the patron a cigarette just as SARA THE BARTENDER approaches from behind.

SlapStick Comedy Chapter 3



INT.  CITY BUS --  DAY

Guy Slipstack sleeps in his seat on his way across town.

He tips over into a WHEEL CHAIR VETERAN's lap. The Vet CHOPS him on the back of the neck. 

Guy bounces up and spins in a circle. He waves a hand in front of the Vet then pokes him in the ribs over and over, TICKLING him.

A little girl laughs at the show.

GUY

I saw this on These Tre Stooges.

It actually works.

WHEEL CHAIR VETERAN

Hey! Whaaaa! Hee! Hey! Get lost!

Then he realizes he has slept through his stop.

GUY

Driver... uh, I'd would like to... deFart.

DRIVER

Excuse me?

GUY

De FART! De FART! Make my DeFarture!

DRIVER

DeParture?

GUY

Oui, this is how we say it in France, depart,

In English, de Fart.

DRIVER

(pulling the bus over)

Who told you that? Ridiculous.

EXT.  BUS STOP -- DAY

Guy wipes back his slicked hair and places his bowler on his head.

He steps off the bus, but the DOORS CLOSE on his HIND FOOT.

He turns and pulls his LEG AND CROTCH up higher and higher but it doesn't budge. He squeaks out some farts.

DRIVER

Get yer foot out! I can't open or close!

GUY

Owwwweeeee!

Guy wiggles his foot and the SHOE FALLS OFF.

Finally he pulls his foot out and it lands in a PUDDLE.

The Driver opens the door... with a LOOK.

Guy grabs his shoe and the doors close quick enough to trap his HAT on the inside. The BUS DEPARTS.

GUY

De Farting with my hat! Mondu.

Guy JUMPS as he is tapped on the shoulder and almost goes over the rail. He drags himself back.

ELDERLY WOMAN

Will you take our picture?

Just push this button here.

Guy smiles and agrees.

The Elderly Woman poses with her grandson.

Guy Blocks the whole hallway as he menacingly lines up the photo. A BUSTY WOMAN stands directly behind him.

Guy has the shot he wants, but the CAMERA is BACKWARDS.

The FLASH blinds him and blinds the Busty Woman.

BUSTY WOMAN

Sheesh.

Guy turns the camera around, and there on the little digital view screen is an excellent shot of the BUSTY WOMAN'S CLEAVAGE.

She reacts by BELTING Guy with her purse. He barely holds the camera from falling over the railing.

He hands the camera to the Elderly Woman and proceeds away rapidly.

Slipstack Comedy -- Page One -- 8/13/10

[Author's Note:

Dear Reader, Welcome.

Welcome to an adventure in Slipstack Comedy. That great form of comedy that was invented by cavemen that accidentally slipped on a banana peel, and all their caveman friends laughed so much, that they gave extra fruit if he could do it again, (partly rotten, but it was still extra fruit). The funny dufois, as it was pronounced back then in France, dufus to you or me, was able to reproduce the gag the very next moment, and slapstick was born. Made famous by George W. Bush, and Buddy Holly, along with Buster Keaton and Charles Chaplin, this form of comedy remains a stagnant, has-been of the film industry today. As such, here is some vigor for this lost and lonely artform. Please enjoy.

With much fruit,

Daniel P. Ronyak

Screenwriter by Night]

INT. FOX RIVER MALL - JUST OUTSIDE THE ORANGEY DRINK PLACE THAT THEY SAY HAS RAW EGG INGREDIENTS SO YOU SHOULD NEVER DRINK THAT STUFF - DAY

Our Hero Tragic: GUY SLIPSTACK, (say it French-like: Ghee Sleepstock), age 50. The embodiment of "whatever can go wrong, can and will go wrong", he stands six-foot-two, weighs little more than a cabbage patch doll, and wears his hair slicked back and long like an early 20th century rural farmhand gussied up for Friday night at the grange hall dance. He is in all things, Sweet and Salty.

GUY (French Accented English): Hello, I am answering? Hello?

NARRATOR: Guy Slipstack, age 50. Our Hero Tragic. The day, Friday the 13th, may just be icing on the cake, for this very special day. Each day is different in how it arrives and begins its menagerie of pain for Mr. Slipstack and all those he encounters. Today begins and ends lucky. He successfully navigates his way to the second floor balcony of the mall before things really get interesting. But here... it begins.

Guy leans against the balcony rail, flips his phone shut and decides to snap a quick photo but the phone flips out of his hand.

He searches his hand, embarrassed at his foolishness in the presence of a lovely woman standing nearby. Finally he looks down to the first floor where an elderly, balding gentleman rubs his head.

Available Screenplay Properties For Sale

Copyright 2010 Nick Yorkan, all rights reserved.

Screenplays For Sale:

With Guffaw Faktory co-writer Lisa Hepner:
Game Show Family Comedy 112 pgs

Writing as Nick Yorkan:
Night of the Ice Dragons Sci-Fi 114 pgs
The Paperback Murders Thriller 103 pgs
[CONFIDENTIAL SALE ] Feature Comedy 86 pgs
Jurassic Park- Five --Controlled Descent (spec) Adventure 105pgs
Wet Robot Sci-Fi 80pgs
Book of Joshua Sci-Fi 93pgs
A Green Bay Thanksgiving Holiday Family Comedy 90pgs


Novel adapted for the screen:
The Reef of Gold by Gary Dale Adventure 107 pgs
Malevolent Delusions by Suzanne Wilson Horror 103 pgs
Thundering Hearts by Kenny Lee Thriller 93pgs

True Life Stories:
Compromise -- The True Life Story of Vanthana Chy War Drama 100pgs
Spunge - Based on the Life of Charlie Benson Sci-Fi, Comedy, Drama 96pgs

TV Pilot Scripts:
Debris Episodes 1, 2, 3 Sci-Fi Drama 60pages each
Marmalade Sitcom 33 pgs
Fairways to Heaven Funny Drama 103 pgs
It’s the Economy, Stupid Docu/Reality 36pgs

Produced Films:
The Vault Short – Comedy - Screened at Eugene Film Festival
Cooking with Gerrie Ray Spoof –Local Access Eugene
A Bigfoot Cries Runner Up, DIVA Video Slam, Stop-Motion Comedy Short
Tom Wood – A life at Sea Documentary- In Production

Novel:
Dark Machine Sci-Fi Novel 300+ pgs.

Projects Under Construction:

The Way of the Plumber Feature Comedy Screenplay
The Minnesota Sophisticates Feature Comedy Screenplay
Petrol by A.C. Ronyak, co-writer Feature Comedy Screenplay
Three more sequels to Game Show with Guffaw Faktory are expected.

Check out our latest invention, the MoneyPups®, on www.funnyordie.com .

Ronyak News

Hey hey. It's April. There was an Easter in there, and a birthday on April 5th for Cori, and her grandmother in Idaho Falls died the same day. There is a baby due in two weeks, and the circle of life goes on. Queen Elizabeth of England had her birthday today, and we received chocolate, bagels and bouquets of flowers at work for Administrative Professionals Day. I have the bus for sale on craigslist, the landlord wants it out of the driveway in two weeks. The weeding and mowing has been my exercise lately and we saw 2012 and A Serious Man on DVD this week. I got to read David Livingston's edit to a screenplay I sold him and am so happy to see what a great comedy he has made out of this property. The Gameshow screenplay that Lisa Hepner and I are writing together is coming together nicely and we'll start marketing it next week hopefully. Here's a copy of my latest blog post at work. People are responding with comments about the shrinking of things.

Ronyak: From the Large Hadron Collider to Lilliput

Daniel Ronyak, a senior accounting technician in Comparative Medicine, has agreed to post his offbeat observations and often tongue-in-cheek ideas here as they occur.

The Large Hadron Collider in Geneva is stirring up the physics world in a big way—ironically, with tiny particles building up speed and leaping toward unprecedented collisions. (Is there a connection to the “Portland Boom”? “Enquiring” minds want to know.)
Speaking of leaps and collisions, March Madness is over and the tournament is complete—and over the last few weeks you’ve likely seen the best leaping ability that humans have to offer. But why do we lack the hops of even a tiny flea, which can sky seventy times its own height? Is there some gain in buoyancy at that size, with respect to air mass?
It’s a weird thing, the size of a species: What would happen if a species such as a frog were able to be bred down to the size of a flea? (Some frogs are very tiny as it is.) Would it increase its leaping ability? And if you bred a dog to a size smaller than the frog, what would stop the frog from sizing up that meal? What would it mean for an amphibian to change its diet from insects to mammals?
This bizarre discussion is where physics meets evolutionary biology. As genetics branch out, where will the discussion go? Is there an optimum ratio at which humans could choose to live more efficiently in the future? Is Gulliver’s Travels more forward-looking than we realize? (“Going Lilliputian” would save planetary resources, would it not?) What an arcane world our huge skyscrapers will be, if in the future we are the size of the flea.

Alone or All One?

The universe is a vast sea of life, but we're here, in our youth, not aware of any of that other sea life. Are we alone? Most likely not, if our oceans are any example. There are certainly depths of those oceans that are vast, cold and empty. A tiny creature at the bottom of all that empty would probably think, I'm alone. But, no, it's just the beginning. We're going to find, that we're part of family some day. We're all one. Our angst is unfounded. Our current hesitant, earthly brotherhood should be rethought, from the perspective of this eventual family. What will another person from your world mean to you when you're awash in the sea of life out there? A resident of earth, any resident that you meet, will make your heart cry for joy at the meeting of a brother. Let's put on this face now and take up our universal brotherhood here in our youth.

Tide pool

The rocky ocean shore of Oregon has features called Tide Pools where life finds a crucible. The evening hours, the tide returning to the deep, a shallow hole in the rock along the shore holds the leftover vigor that stirred, and stirred again, in the roaring waves who swept their salty forces here and again only moments only hours ago. This quiet leaving is life. The hermit crab settles in next to the anemone, along with a minnow, trapped in a tub of isolation from their source for the next distance the moon will travel. There in the silence of the dark, flipping their claws on the pocket of sand at the bottom, inching their tendrils over the black, grainy rock chimney, life awaits the return of the tide to stir them from their solitary confinement. So it is I await the next wave of this life to roll forward to greet me in its terrible and liberating way, bankruptcy, bills, birthing classes, and baby. Somewhere in all of it there is a great joy regardless of the tumult, or isolation or the raised salt content in the tide pool.

Song sung true

The best teacher of a melody is the key in which it is sung.

Import/Export the How We Do It of World Economies

You buy from me I buy from you. We're all part of the huge fractal that is world economy. Small and large, exact same functions. A function of buy and sell. This fractal flowers sometimes, and other times, it's bound up in tight eddies and curls. Right now, we're bound up. (I think there's another metaphor in there.) The thing we need to do now, as is act like a "United" States. That is, our individual ways of buying and selling, state-by-state, need to be coordinated, so that as a Nation we buy and sell from other nations. If France has wine we like to buy, let's get 50 states together and agree what price we'll buy at. If we don't, the effect is counter productive. Because someone is buying from France's competition instead of buying from France. Then we're spreading the effective productivity too thin. Someone else will buy from France's competition anyway, so it isn't like we're leaving them without a market. The effect of acting united, with regard to foreign markets gives us much more buying power, it outlines a relationship between states, and it fosters continued cooperation between countries. The markets will stabilize. Then we can tackle the fact that State by State we don't all buy and sell with the same frequency. Thus highlighting the need for a policy of "currency exchange between US regions". Then I don't have to buy French Wine at New York City prices, I can buy a bottle of French Wine with my Portland, Oregon dollar, which I'm sad to say, isn't very powerful on the world market all on it's onesy. Savvy?

One quick note with an idea on “Jobs”. Obama has presented Jobs as the next big thing on the agenda. Do we understand the power of a diploma? We have millions of people in the US who already have bachelors degrees, but, for whatever reason, have never used them. They are working check stand registers and driving buses... The place that we push for Jobs needs to focus on our greatest untapped asset, the education that these folks already bought and paid for, not on those who are currently unemployed, who may or may not have a degree. We have an educated pool of people already, they’re just in the wrong roles. This question of “Jobs” is actually a question of rearranging the pieces of the puzzle.

Step One: Start a job placement service where people can file their willingness to participate in a newly created job within their degree field. This simple act will bring the education asset into crystal clarity.

Step Two: Then the Obama Administration can begin the work of creating jobs. Putting that money into jobs where someone holds a bachelors degree in that field is a much better “working scenario” to coin a pun, so that the jobs that are created will be sustainable, good paying, and most importantly rewarding for the people. Those jobs that are vacated by degree holders will then be available to the masses of unemployed people, and we’re now holding an educated workforce just by rearranging the workforce.

Do unto others as you would have done unto you. That's the crux of Christianity. The US, and ironically, the Tea Party, are mostly Christian folks. They're proud to claim that the US has "In God we Trust" stamped on every dollar, and they would rather have prayer put back in public schools so they can pray to Christ their God. When living up to the Christian tenet of do unto others as you would have done unto you, why is capitalism any stronger of a model for your behavior toward your neighbor, than what Tea Party folks are calling "socialism? What I'm saying is that Tea Party peoples are forgetting the fact that any amount of socialism that has crept into America is not because of Socialist Ideals, it's simply because people here in the US by-and-large attempt to do unto others as they would have done to them, and those types of changes happen socially, enmasse. As a society, they want their neighbor to have the same things, the same opportunities, the same health care, the same medical coverge, that they have. They don't want a company, or a corporation, or a capitalist, or a business to get in the way of their first and foremost rule... the Golden Rule. Do not take up the flag of liberty with guns and bullets against a population of people who are attempting to follow the Golden Rule. There are other, relatively strong methods of doing the type of revolt that will simmer down the socialism to the "common decency" levels that Tea Party members consider the outer limit of how socialism should be allowed to regulate business in a free market. The cry havoc is an extreme that let's slip the dogs of war, and once uncaged it is terribly more difficult to recapture the do unto others philosophy.

Read an article titled "How your Income Stacks Up" written by Kevin McCormally on Yahoo News. It's full of bunk. The IRS statistics are given out by Kiplinger in a highly misinterpretable way. That is, they are bunky; full of the bunk. Mr. McCormally digested that bunk and put it into a highly respected news outlet. I wouldn't expect much more out of any news outlet, much less one called "Yahoo News", of which I am a constant reader (part of the Yahoos that make their news worth printing I guess). Here's my argument. If 23% of the taxes are paid by the 1% of people who make over 410k per year, a number which I calculate to be approximately 42,000 people for each state in the union, (but then we know the weight is on the states where real estate and cost of living is sky-high, so we're probably talking about less than 10k of the super upper class per state), why should you need to show the rest of the funky numbers? Stick with that number. 1% of people are paying 23% of all taxes. Here's why they don't stick with just that number, they can't. The IRS data was designed to reflect how much of all the taxes were paid by groups of higher than 1% at a time. The IRS data was designed to show the broad spectrums of salaries, not just the waypoints and soundbites. And the article fails to note that it just so happens that if you make over 110k you're much more likely to make over 400k because, there's a happy little understanding there which allows companies to nod and give you a fat salary and allow you to live in expensive areas. If you're valuable enough to demand over 110k, you're in the sweet spot where you're allowed a big jump in salary to pay for your yacht, real estate, other real estate, golden parachute, etc. If the chart were in anyway capable of speaking laymans terms with regards to the IRS data, it would show that we have most of the taxes being paid by you and me who make a measly 34k per year. We and the next bracket above us 60k, pay our taxes in leaps of 20%, where-as the super upper classes pay out in leaps of 10% per bracket. The bulk of taxes is paid by you and me because there just aren't enough richy richertons to pay it all. What it means is that richy richerton then swings a deal with the fed to make the stock market pay them just a little more so they can say they're fixing "unemployment", and when the stock market isn't doing so well, richy richerton has to dump more money into us poor saps down here on main street so we can get back to work, because paying us is then worth more to them. And then the pendulum swings the other way. If we were paid more, our leap to the next tax bracket would widen even more and the IRS would have to restore this careful balance and tax them richies again. They walk a fine line in paying us what they bare minimum have to, so that they don't get taxed any more, and so that the market pays them fine returns. Hey, don't anybody worry, we're just cattle right? We don't cause a stir, do we. And we're too dumb to be able to read your handy chart right Kiplinger?

Found an interesting website. This Payscale.com is the chief architect of what you might get paid for the rest of your life. Here is their website. Know your enemy: http://www.payscale.com/about.asp?pg=about&sub=overview

They are well intentioned, I can see that in the Bios of the people that make all the money in this company, but this is a monopoly in every sense of the word. It's actually a worldwide monopoly and no one will ever do anything about it. The ability to access and process data to control business labor pools, worldwide, is so far above the monopoly law it's not even on the radar, but it is the new paradigm in business, stock markets, heck the FED even has a monopoly for controlling data, and when compared to how a traditional monopoly was discovered and dealt with this isn't the same game. You'll never have another company screaming "price fixing". This new thing can only be controlled by other software. Their Computer chips have already won the fight. The humans will serve them well, at designer, customized wages.

Viva La Vida! Just got here. My neighbor, a veterinarian who now holds a purchasing job, had a portion of an apple fritter waiting for me at my desk. Third week in a row. Not sure where she is getting them. Nice of her to share. I like the fritter. The Viva La Vida album was in my head on the way to work on the bus this AM so I played it right away during this my ten minutes before clock-in. The song Lost! is playing now. Great tune. The line "castle was built on pillars of sand" is great. It fits the theme of the rest of this blog which is aimed at strengthening that base. The front page of USA today says Obama is most concerned about Jobs. This isn't news necessarily but the refreshing of the data, and having it on the front page makes it hit home a little more, and the news folk must know that that is the purpose of the front page. It makes me realize, (as I sip my $4.20 sugarfree hazelnut breve from Seattle's Best that I got downtown between bus rides), is being paid for by a careful planning of stock holders and no one else. They create the numbers on the stock market by buying and selling people and I'm one, and that's where my pay comes from. All the equipment in the picture makes it seem like they run businesses and build things and sell things, but in the end the only items in the picture that change the value of their stock are the people, because of our brains and opposable thumbs. These are bought and sold, hired and laid off, in a carefully orchestrated symphony which reaches our ears by the front page of the USA today in a tune that we call "hiring is up" aka good times, and "unemployment is up" aka stocks are down. The rich buy and sell us and we are indentured servants to this grind. There's only the destiny of "some day maybe this will change". I seem Lost! in all this because I can't seem to write a blog without touching on these issues. That's today's theme I guess. Hope I don't take the wrong bus later and self-fulfill this in a physical way. Time for an uprising. Storm the USA Today office and demand that they respect something other than Stock Market strategies. Every news outlet is pushing stock market news as "what happened in your world today that you need to know"... this blog is what you need to know today.

Dollars and Sense

Can't seem to find time or urgency to log in and post to this bloggy, unless it involves a crisis in a financial market, or a quantum boon. We have both recently. The LHC smashed a couple of protons at the same energy level as Fermilab, so welcome to the card table LHC, hope you're holding the cards when you get up to max power. So far my dreams aren't registering anything different because of their work. Changes in magnetism probably register in every brain on the planet in some small way, but we'll see what it does at full power next year. Would be great of the magnetism in the LHC actually changed our brain patterns enough to somehow focus more on the way we manage world economies. Which brings me to the point of discussion regarding Dubai and the money management blip going on there. Like any market they are fighting to earn respect from other labor pools. The thing that will iron out all of these markets and bring them in line is a respect for "fairness" between a dollar here and a dollar there, between a work day here and a work day there. If we institute a worldwide computer system that does nothing except manage valuation of monies, to create a fairness in all labor pools, by assessing then increasing or decreasing the value of money in real time, we would all be speaking the same language with regard to supply and demand. Make the money fair. There' s no way forward without this step in place. The scale of fairness needs to extend from Stock Market on down to "how many grains of sand in the hour glass is my dollar worth, as opposed to your dinari". If there isn't a "fair making system", we're all just swimming around in an unfair system and no one wants to swim in that dirty pool.

Back to the quanta, for a moment (a moment is a measure of time, so it's interesting that pun found it's way into this conversation), so we can discuss heat, and also gyroscopes. Take a look at a couple of burning matches when you bring them in close proximity to one another. The heat engine of each one of these doesn't readily merge into the other, there is a momentary discussion, or even repulsion, of the other for a moment, then they join and create a much larger pool... or quanta, of their energy. The indication is that heat is related to exchange of matter into or out of a quanta. It brings us back to the fact that all things are continually asked by the universe "of what are you capable of being a part?", and that brings us back to the fact that states of matter are what determine what you are capable of being a part of. Picture a block of ice floating in a bath of water. The ice is a different state, a solid, and doesn't participate as readily in surface tensions, but they are the same chemical. This should point us to the periodic table of elements, a table that should be designed to show how any element will react in any environment. The table needs to be more focused on states of matter at all conditions, and could be called a quanta chart of the elements. It should be layed out based on willingness to participate, which will point to further understandings of physical characteristics of elements.
One last example I came across last night while doing the dishes is a small of bowl of water floating inside a larger bowl of water inside a sink full of water. When rocked, some of the water splashes out of the smaller bowl and the water in it sloshes back and forth with the same tensions we see in gyroscopes. This play of quanta choosing their state is probably what creates the force that every gyroscope exerts. A rudimentary gyroscope could be created with a series of pools such as this. - Edit: Did a quick search and found this Loopa gravity defying bowl: http://www.loopabowl.com/loopaDemo.aspx On the right track dudes. Of what are you capable of being a part?

What money?

What can we learn from Pete and Repeat? Pete has been a law abiding American citizen. (The Dude abides.) And he has still found himself short on a dime in the new world economy. The old recession and depression cyclicality of economies has turned Pete into the same old Repeat. It's left poor Pete wondering where's the money? Show me the MONEY!

So, here's a lesson, Pete, about the new way to compete. Ask yourself "What money?".

This is a global economy, baby, you gotta dance around 24 time zones if you want to survive. Your money is not the same as the Aussie Dollar, or the Japanese Yen, or the British Pound. Your money is far different. Your money is an exact reflection of your local economy, right down to the door knocker on your domicile. If you could get the Treasury Department to put a new phrase on the greenback you better tell them you want it to say "This bill is legal tender for all debts within five miles of (insert your home address here)".

The only place your money is good is at your vicinity. If you want the reasons for this, ask the truck driver that brings the groceries to your local supermarket, ask your landlord, ask the neighbor's landlord, and ask the property tax man. All these dudes will tell you that the value of your money is a function of your proximity to these other dudes. They will all say that your money is measured in a widending arc from your front door knocker. For instance, ask the guy who lives in a penthouse on Park Ave in New York what his landlord thinks his rent should be and why? Then ask the Iowa farmer in the middle of a DesMoines sunflower field. The reason the address assigns the value to the legal tender is because you gotta pay to play, and some games cost more than others. It leaves poor Pete without a leg to stand on when he gets his paycheck, because somebody who's legal tender has more worth than his legal tender doesn't care that his buck is worth less... (worthless at this point).

How then, can Pete get more for his bucks? He's either gotta move from a higher area to a lower, and then move again, and then move again. Or he's gotta get his country, and the rest of the world to realize that this is how economies work, and do something to schedule and regulate the value and strength of his legal tender from one locale to other locales. It's creating an ratio in the currency, so a buck is really a buck, is really a similar piece of legal tender anywhere in that country.

Pete likes this because he likes where he lives. It also means he can curtail the practice of slave labor, which is what buying labor in a cheaper area is tantamount to, when a New York size dollar bill pays a person to make a pair of tennis shoes in Indonesia, or a telephone company hires people in India to spend an hour on the phone in America.

What money? Pete's money. Earned here, spent there? No sir. No thank you, sir. Pete says "Legal tender by trade schedule" should be printed on his money. Let's make it happen, Cap'n.